release of the leaves,
that shaded and warmed,
nurtured and sheltered summers new life
from firey sun to thunderous storm
characters no longer needed,
after the acorns fall
but a face to journey on

The acorns have already fallen
blown in the storm last night
where the tree bleeds
the hornets feed
riding the fear in flight
on rides the journey
the seeds already sown
dismantled in their urgency
each to find their own
the acorns are already fallen
choice of what will is gone
for this is the end of what might have been
the beginning of what was

Out of the hat & into the frying pan
out of the frying pan into the fire
All contained within the inferno
waiting to unfold, uniform, untold
out of the hat!
ask and you will find a plenty
speak and you will be found
all around the fires, temples
of worth and working underground
in the darkness candles flitter
And children chestnuts roast
& in the heat, adults bicker
about the landing of the toast
Philosophy and religion fold into one another
While toes and fingers curl and twirl in the earth
And the magician shows the children a new worth
out of the hat

Close, how close
do you feel the storm within?
close, closer, closing in?
Heavy, how heavy
is the pressure building
touch it, yeild it, use it
Your strength of feeling.

Do you feel full enough yet?
Past full?
Last fill?
like a babe gorged on milk full?
Have you stopped its cries yet?
keep it coming, it just keeps coming
More, more
Stop now, you must be full, now stop.
So full you say, cant take anymore
So why keep ordering more and yet more?
Are you there yet? are you full yet?
belly up? cant walk? on the floor yet?
No you say? MORE?
And when you retreat alone
I listen to the wretching groans
Can I wipe the puke from your chin yet?
can I kiss your strained veined skin yet?
can I wipe the tears from your bulging eyes yet?
Laxative the rest, shall I clear up the mess yet?
did you taste the sweet without the weight?
did you find a cheat, play the pretense?
body slim, but appetite quenched?
But when your mouth tastes the acid, and your ass is sore
Will you remember it was you ordered more?
When you look at my body do you fear my curves?
If you looked in my eyes would you fear my words?
Are you done yet?
Can we have fun yet?
Or shall we dine out?

how much do we close our eyes to
How much could we take
if we opened them
if we saw the rat, the monkey,
the half starved african child,
testing the drug
we take in desperation
to live just a few more moments of a life unlived.
I would, couldnt help myself.
My human instinct to survive,
to perform what I call alive
But could I if I didnt close my eyes?
Is it that I look for understanding,
the pathways from inhumane to human,
to close my eyes and mind
and call it open, and call it aware.
Could I look the world in the eye, and still dare....
To be human?

Intellectualising
Theorising
Memorising
Toxidising
Labelling
disabling
Growth
Living
Feeling
rejecting
reflecting
buffering
suffering
Painfully
shuttering
Unyielding
Sheilding
unquestioning
deafening
Stiffening life
Suggesting
Past
Unresting
blindly
Jesting
jousting
Collaring
Couloring
Painting
fearfuelled
Embracing
Pitying
Unfacing
agonising
apologising
for speaking
reflections
gifts
giving

The gift given fades in memory
Rots into the ground,
out of sight and sound.
The word is lost from context in time.
A comedy of errors,
a sign
to mark the path.
In the illusion of looking back
See not how far youve come,
or how far yet to go
seek to understand the character
you play in this travelling show.
For Brighton pier we'll return next year
to stand upon this stage,
timeless as shakespeare,
regular as the tide.
The script repeats as the players refine
In the quiet of the wings
the waves heard, chhhh upon the stones,
as the players word
grinds upon the soul.
And one day when even age is old
and many a tale has been resoled
upon Brighton beach, barefoot we'll stand
making footprints in the sand

To be light there must be dark
To be good there must be bad
To be victim there must be abuser
To love there must be hate
To be nice there must be nasty
To be right there must be wrong
To be chickens there must be eggs
To be eggs there must be chickens
Each one unseen contained within the other.
On the cycle of creation and seperation.
The comings and goings of
birth, death and transformation.
This is life
life is for living
completely.

Give me some peace;
Let me not care.
I'd welcome death,
if just for the rest.
But when I wake will life still be there?
just one more peek,
just one more step,
I dont know what's round the corner yet.
But Im toooo tired,
oh let me sit down.
Give me a blanket
to wrap around.
Let the night come with its dark and its cold,
let it rest my eyes,
numb the feelings inside.
My head's pounding,
my eyes are wet,
give me a soft bed
of cottonwool to rest.
Let me fall into that empty sleep,
let me drift
into unconciousness deep.
My body aches.
My feet are hurting.
Give me a drug;
close the curtain.
Let me rest my head on the road below,
give me a dream
in which to go.
Give me some peace;
let me not care.
I'd welcome death,
if just for the rest.
But when I wake will life still be there?
Just one more peek,
just one more step,
I dont know what's round the corner yet.
Should you give me my peace?
Should you not care?
Would you welcome me dead,
If just for the rest?
Would you wake me in the morning
and give me a hand?
Would you let me go to fall or stand?
Would you offer me hope to take the step...
that I may walk round the corner yet?

Where were you when I needed you
where were you when I was alone
where were you when I asked for you
and now you critisize?
and now you say I got it wrong
and now you say that I should change
and now you say I shouldnt be me
but where were you when I needed you

Sometime later in response to the questions asked back then...

same place you always were
alone
I didnt want you to hear my voice
because you have problems too
everybody wants to blame
wants somebody to take away the pain
in fear of the reflection
maybe I didnt need you to be anywhere but where you were.

waiting for something
waiting for the train
waiting for the station
waiting for the rain
to stop or to start
depends on what you need
waiting for someday
waiting for tommorow
waiting for monday
waiting for sorrow
to stop or to start
depends on where you are
waiting to be held
waiting to let go
waiting for feeling
awaiting what you know
to start or to stop
depends on what youve got
waiting from now to now
waiting for the choice
waiting for the consequence
waiting for the voice
tp start or to stop
depends on what you hear
waiting for a wave
waiting for a rest
waiting for life
waiting for death
on which nothing depends
there is no start or stop
life may be waiting
but living is not.

too many people knocking at my head
you are this
you are that
have you heard about them
trust me
I know
I see
what it is
know you
better than you do
Im right
you are me
o no u c....
one friend silence knocking at my door
come in
talk now
we've been here before
in knocks
and scrapes
felt what I felt
in secret
in private
in hiding
youve dealt
with the worst of me
best of me
seen through me
ignored by me
quiet friend
shut down voice
of thought
of ego
of lies
say your piece
you know me best

The forest whispers
within the man
within the tree
within the woman
fixed firm to the earth
through wind and flood
simply stood
unaware of its worth
a voice spoken as oceons depth
carried upon the winds breath
to lands unseen
to those that stand
within it
simply understood
within the wood
that fuels
the fire
within the man
within the tree
within the woman
fixed firm to the earth
through storms to come
simply stood
unaware of their worth

crossroads???
multi-intersection
roundabout
or ressurection
blank cards
blank sides
inside the box
chilled out garden amongst the rocks
right choice, wrong choice
dont know yet
either way dependant on the up and get
or down and slow
amongst the flow
against I go
today I dont know
but todays all there is.

Alone stood the child,
vast plain before her.
Seeing the miles to the horizon,
surrounding her - the centre
within the view without.

Separation, realisation,
original sin, she is within it,
nakedly standing, seen from the miles
within the view without.

The shame! The fear!
Her hand stretches out,
plucking the horizon from before her eyes.
Placing it, one piece at a time...
another, another, wall getting higher before her...




Alone in the world within the wall,
whispering half remembered sight.
Brick by brick, her breath condensing
into a mirror formed of cold ice.

Madness projecting memory and reflection;
echoing around the chamber of her creation.
A war of two worlds, battling with perception,
cracking the ice to a confusion of angled mirrors.
A billion images scream when she screams;
laugh when she laughs; fear what she fears.
A billion naked images before her -
She closes eyes and ears.

With each cold breath, crystal upon crystal form;
spreading close, closer to the eye -
touching the skin, a connection in time.
She holds still,
in silence,
hardly breathing.

Silent are the screams, silent is the laughter,
silent is the fear, a memory clear...

Tears burning, melting, crystal dissolving,
revealing small images of the view surrounding.
Building blocks of the naked child returning,
falling, reflecting around icy remains.
Shattered, scattered, battered as she,
the view lies broken at her feet.

The shame of millennia's actions
outweigh any thought of nakedness now.
Blindly, one step at a time,
each piece taken, each piece tried,
errors revealed time after time,
she builds again the picture,
her toil, the price of mind.

The question was asked
Did you hear yourself ask it
The reply came
Did you feel it
So many all asking the same question
I gave my reply
And you still ask me why

Lifting, twisting, turning
pulling, returning
drifting light reflecting, refracting
rainbow petals, synching, attracting
drawing, calming, melting, squeezing

toward the centre.
one path through
Expanding, exploding
a billion shattered stars breaking
the darkness beneath the ripples

You want to teach
But dont want to learn
Want to sell
But say you arent bought
Want to love
But the anger is held
Want to see
Not the the guts inside
Want to be seen
But so much you hide
Want to believe
there is something more
But dont want to own the reflection you saw
Of a wolf, a sheep, killer and food,
friends, family, universe and you

I live within a body
within a house
within a town
within a country
upon this earth
within a galaxy
within the universe
within me.
How different
we may seem
with eyes that see.
Different body
different house
different country maybe
Same earth
same galaxy
same universe
within you
and me
So how different are we.

Within my belly, butterflies lye,
This hour could be do or die,
To do, to risk to fall, but try
To let my friends the butterflies fly.

This love not suited to the cakestore window, of sickly sweets and cherry pies
Encompasing the fear and anger, twisted ego pride and lies
A bitter love, no not at all,
A trumpet vibrating through the walls
And though it hurts to see them fall
Love will be there standing tall
Neither mine nor yours to take or give
Are we in love, NO, love just is
In the crowded places or alone
Love will BE, never there nor gone

Looking through the window the storm raged
winds seen as trees bend and break
And the man saw a reflection of his heart
The rain lashed the window
And the man saw a reflection of his pain
The thunder rang through the air
And the man saw a reflection of his voice
The lightening lit up the darkness a split second
And the man saw a reflection of his sight
The river lapped at the doorstep
And the man saw a reflection of his fear
The flood ripped at the manicured garden
And the man saw a reflection of his illusion
Hat and coat lying empty beside the door
And the man saw a reflection of his past
Opening the door, the storm lashed his skin
And the man saw a reflection of his present
Walking out into his life
The man saw a reflection of the universe.

Quiet, watching waiting as the babe
Enquiring, winding, finding, as the child
Feeling, being, giving, as the mother
Aching, painfully, crying as the dying
Detecting, reflecting, seeing, as the spirit
Retreating, returning, inevitable as the birth

The pain
Ripping
Raping
Scathing
Breaking
Dulling
Aching
settling
Within
The womb
To be born
again
In pain

Been driving down the motorway too long
My head drifting into the song
On the radio

Here I sit, still
Nothing, just sitting,
Still
Never moving
never ill
Just still
So still
No will
To win, kill
Myself
Why worry
Why hurry
Well it rhymes!!
I dont hurry
Im still
With worry

when theres nothing to say, be silence
when theres nothing to hear, let the silence fill your ears
when theres nothing to see, see the whole of the empty space
when theres nothing to feel, feel the stillness
like the cat hunting

The poison becomes the antidote
then let it go
The noose becomes the lifeline
then let it go
the hand that knocks you down becomes the hand to help you up
then let it go
the spade that caused the landslide becomes the spade to dig you out
then let it go
the sails that took you off the course become the sails to get you back on
then let them down
go with the flow
let it go.

I used to have a little gem
of oh so many colours.
It warmed the heart
and shone right through the stormiest of weathers.
Always with me,always giving
a smile and a giggle.
When I was sad it showed me
the truth within the riddle.
Such a funny shape it was
kind of pointy, kind of round,
with some little jagged edges,
Ill show you when its found
For a long, long time ago
I put it somewhere safe,
thought it might get broken,
so I hid it just in case
Its inside here somwhere,
under all this other debris,
maybe I could tip it all out,
No, its just too heavy.
Theres only one thing for it,
I'll sort through bit by bit,
and when Im done with all this junk,
Im sure that I will find it.
Ah, there it is Ive found it,
it wasnt even lost,
just I didnt recognise it
under all that dust.

In poetry

by saying so little, it can say so much

not in its literary merit

but in what the reader allows it to touch

from narrow childlike emotion drowned hue

to the odd glimpse of a wider shared view

these poems are a journey....

....to continue.